So it's been longer than I thought since I last updated this. Although I've got stuff to update I haven't really felt in the right frame of mind. Mostly because of family problems, things that aren't anything to actually do with me, but have caused me and the rest of the family an awful lot of stress over the last few weeks. Needless to say I feel there's a lot more to come of this in the near future, but I'm not going to write about it here because a)It's not related to this blog's subject b)It will bore you all to tear(more than you already are anyway)
So back on subject. Finally some great news funding has been approved for me to be assessed at Charing Cross. Of course as normal this was not straight forward firstly the June meeting was cancelled, so my fate wasn't decided until the July meeting some weeks later. Then when I called them and found out a few weeks ago, I was told letters had been sent to my GP for him to sort out my referral to Charing Cross. However this letter never arrived, so last week I chased it up again and got them to fax the letter(yes apparently people still do this) to my GP. I went to see him today to confirm he has it which he does HOORAY! and he says he'll write the referral letter today. Which I know he will. As there was no other course of business i.e. my blood pressure is fine and I didn't need any meds, we ended up having a chat about things. Mostly how he felt I'd progressed in the last 30 months, yes it's really been that long since I first saw him about it. He said he thought I'd come on a long way, because he remembers me being really unsure about things back then now however he's sure I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. He said I sound much more confident about it, but I'm still aware that it's not going to be an easy ride. So now I sit and wait for a letter to arrive from Charing Cross telling me when my appointment will be(oh if only I thought for a second it will be that straight forward) and then at least I will have something tangible a date to work towards to plan for, to work out the time scale for telling people and things like that.
So other than the above things have been not too bad. The work situation is still grim, and the voluntary work doesn't look like it's going to turn into paid work. My mental state hasn't been great but mostly because of other things, but at the moment I think I am coping ok. I may make a counselling appointment next month though just to be sure. Also the breast forms I bought a couple of months ago are fantastic and have really made a difference to how I feel about myself and currently I wear them as much as possible, because it really boosts my state of mind doing so. Unfortunately at the moment I don't get much time to myself so it's most at night.
Oh there is one other thing I've noticed about myself in the last few months and it's to do with my confidence levels. I'm almost what you could call bi-polar with them. Most of the time they are cripplingly low, but every now and again I get a few hours or a day where they are sky high and nothing can touch me, to the extent I can do almost anything and think 'fuck the consequences'. Neither of these states is good for me I need to find some level ground where I have some confidence but I am still aware of the consequence of my actions. Although I haven't done anything I really regret while in one of these states, I know one day there's a good chance I will.
In other news my eye seems to be doing ok. No major improvement in the sight but the bleeding I had shortly after surgery seems to have cleared up and I only get occasional pain/discomfort now. So fingers crossed I won't need any more surgery on either of them.
