Eye-eye

I wasn't expecting to have any thing much to update this week, as on Thursday I went into hospital for what was my 6th and hopefully last eye operation. For those who don't know I've been having a lot of trouble with them for about 2 years, but now my right eye is stable and I can see very well through it with my glasses on. My left eye I have very little sight at all in, although it has improved slightly since this operation so fingers crossed that will also become stable now. I'll spare you the gore and details of the operation, besides it has not much to do with this blog's subject.

Now before I explain what happened on my overnight stay in hospital I need to give you a little background. In April I received a letter from the hospital saying my check up appointment for May had been cancelled. This letter was addressed to Mr. Jo Xxx. I didn't think a lot of it at the time, although normally all my medical letters are addressed to Mr. Joseph William Xxx. Nearly 2 months later I went to my GP and suddenly realised they too had change my name on my records to Mr. Jo Xxx. Odd I thought, I wondered if somewhere along the line they'd made some changes to my records due to me starting on the long road of changing gender, although I'd never specified to any doctor or counsellor what I was planning to change my name to. I enquired with my GP why it had been changed, he didn't know. Although I wasn't bothered about it being changed, I would have like to have been told about it in advance to avoid any sticky situations. I think my GP may even have changed it back now.

So anyway back to the hospital, where my records have all been changed to Jo. I was more worried about my operation that what they were calling me. Well until I came round in the recovery room. Now you have to remember I was drugged up on morphine and just coming round from the anaesthetic, but I overheard them on the phone discussing something about my bed, and they might have to send me home because the only bed they had was in a male bay and that wouldn't be suitable so they were going to try and put me in my own room. Now despite my discombobulated state I figured out maybe they knew, maybe it was in my records. So up on the ward, I noticed the nurses weren't quite sure what was going on with me, and also they avoided calling me either he or she and just referring to me as Jo. I just wanted to know what they knew about me so I could work out what to tell them, because I was just expecting to be treated as a male patient, because for now I suppose that's exactly what I am. I was also a little worried about what might happen when my parents visited me that evening, although that didn't last long because I was due another dose of morphine, funny how nothing really mattered after that. I wanted to talk to one of the nurses about things but despite my previous stays I didn't know any of them, so I decided not to.

Fortunately the night staff haven't changed and one of them I know pretty well, we'd talked quite a lot on my other visits. She's been a nurse for 30 odd years, so I bet she's seen it all. So I decided to bite the bullet and asked her what she knew about me. She confirmed that yes it was on my records that I have been being treated for 'gender issues'. This is what happens when all NHS records are centrally held on one database, I suppose. We had a chat for a bit about things, and I guess it put my mind at rest a bit, finally knowing yes it's on my records. At least I know what to expect. Although I still don't know if my funding has been approved, it's been six weeks now.

Things are changing, I'm going to have to think carefully about when I'm going to tell my family, because sooner or later something is going to out me whether I'm ready or not, and it would be better if they found out from me. It's not going to happen yet, but it is going to have to happen.