tl;dr : My Ch X appointment and other Stuff

So I'd forgotten the world existed pre-6am. It is not a nice place.



I felt quite out of place stood on the platform waiting for my train. There I was wearing bright purple jeans and converse amongst a sea of nothing but brown/black/charcoal grey formal wear. The journey down was uneventful, but somewhat emotional.



Things that nearly made me cry:



-A 5 minute period where I received LOTS of lovely good luck messages from people on Facebook.

-Butterflies and Hurricane coming on my iPod

-Some lovely text messages from people.

-The fact neither of my sisters, bothered to text/call to even acknowledge I was going :/



I found the rush hour tube to be most um-enjoyable, but got to Barons Court (which apparently is closer than Hammersmith it so isn't) just about 10am, so I had 45 minutes to walk the short distance to the clinic... yes it was a short distance through some slightly dodgy side streets (IMO at least I'm from a small town) and although I was outside the main hospital by ten past it took me another 25 minutes to find the clinic as the access is down a side street and there is nothing but a small sign saying it's even there (probably for obvious reason). During my hunt for the clinic a cockney white van man shouted "Nice strides, mate" at me in reference to my purpleness :D



I was beginning to panic a lot, as I really wasn't keen to ask the general public if they knew where it was, and all I could get was an engaged tone when I tried to call them. The that panic, was replaced by relief which was replace by the panic of "OMG I'm here, this is it"



I think I was more nervous because I'd read some bad things about the guy I was seeing to the extent people said they would cancel any appointment they were given with him. The truth however was completely different. He was lovely, quite jovial, eccentric, and super super intelligent. He is just one of those people that talks none-stop and flies off on bizarre tangents all the time, who just wants to engage you in a conversation. To quantify this my appointment overran because we were discussing Totoro and various other Japanese things. He was quite blunt at times, not nasty just very blunt. I think this is how he assesses the mental state and strength of people, because I'm quite sure if I was deep in depression like I have been I wouldn't have been able to cope as well with the way he converses. I can sort of understand why some people don't like him, but I have no problems with him. Watch my 2nd appointment will be with the one all the people on the forums rave about, and I'll hate him :D



So yeah it went pretty well and I got the impression he has no problems with me wanting to transition, although I have to get a 2nd opinion next time I go.



The upshot of it all is he thinks I a)Need to get a job(no shit) b)come out properly and just get on with my life. He's told me to plan my transition before my next appointment (I don't know went that will be yet a few months probably)



He sent me on my way with a form to get some bloods done at the hospital, this is a good sign as there were liver-y type tests as well as the usual diabetes one. Liver tests have to be done before the prescribing of hormones. So he's obviously looking to that outcome eventually.



Afterwards I met a friend for a coffee, which was most appreciated. It gave me a chance to talk about the appointment, and just chat in general, until I came back into the real world. I did a brief detour to the Disney store (shock!) where there was quite a large group of French girls who were singing along to 'Gaston' which was quite amusing.



I was glad to get on the train home, because I was knackered. Then less glad as it was delayed for 45mins because some bloke decided to sit in front of another train near Tamworth.



All in all it went about as well as I could have hoped. I'm going to chill a bit until next Monday because I've been really really stress over this for the past couple of weeks and just need a little down time. But then the hard work and planning has to start.

The Not-So Final Countdown.

Well it's been a while since I've bothered to splurge my brain out in the blog. So firstly since my last post I've received an amended appointment for Charing Cross, this time 16th February and with a different doctor, who I've heard mixed things about. However never the less it's an appointment and many other people in my position would kill for that, so I shouldn't grumble.

However this is now less than a month away, am I crapping it yet. YES!, yes I am. I've haven't really made any plans for the trip, mostly because I haven't decided how to approach it yet. By that I mean how I am going to present myself. I have 3 options.

Go as Josie.

Full female attire. Realisticly I am probably not where near ready for this option. Although I attend the TREC meetings, I only get dressed on site and change before leaving. I haven't really been out and about much. After speaking to other people they have advised it probably wouldn't be a wise choice for my first trip out, as I'll already nervous enough, and it won't be frowned at the GIC just because I'm not yet ready to go full time. Plus I would also realisticly have to book 2 nights in a hotel nearby to enable me to change before and after my appointment, because it's late morning and I would have to check out before leaving for my appointment if I only stayed one night.

Go as Joe.

I'm also not so keen on this option because it doesn't really show any progress or commitment on my behalf.

Go as Neither.

By this I mean don't go full on en-femme, but make an effort to look more feminine and less blokey. This probably a reasonably happyish medium between the other two. I don't want to end up out of my depth for something like this, but it's time I started pushing the envelope and taking a few 'risks' or I'm never going to get anywhere. I wouldn't need to book a hotel costing silly money because it's central London for 2 nights, although I may stay the night before just to clear my head a bit. I'm not sure yet.

I've just got a lot on my mind, and I need to start thinking more about this as the next few weeks will fly by.